In the future we'll all be gay
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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