Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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