That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
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