naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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