you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
