Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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