I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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