I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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