mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
