at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
please come you make the beer taste better
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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