Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
