shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
