He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize