Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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