I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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