Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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