saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I party with great urgency now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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