When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
