So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
