Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
nut hugger
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
