oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
