So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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