dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
