mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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