He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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