I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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