her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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