and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
