so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
