I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
