i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
