we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
