please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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