I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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