Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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