I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
