this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
