Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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