just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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