He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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