i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
