Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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