Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
