xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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