You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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