Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
