I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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