oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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