His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
