I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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