I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
