Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
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I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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