I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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