Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Im part way to drunk.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
