He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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