I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
