I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
