we have pet lesbian snakes
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
