i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
