She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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