you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
