Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
