Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
