Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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