I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
