can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
