life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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