My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
