So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
