her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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