i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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