There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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