your thong is hanging out like whoa
we have pet lesbian snakes
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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