Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
