i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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