Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
