Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
