shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
