i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize