i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
NoShamevember. You game?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
