I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
