tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
